Tap Tabloid: Cutler solves Bears receiving woes, passes to other team

Chicago Bears Quarterback Jay Cutler believes he has answered the questions regarding the teams wide receivers corps. In what is being called an "unorthodox" offensive plan, Cutler will now throw the ball to the other team.

"I really feel like, with the players we have on offense, this is our best option," said Cutler.

Cutler's new strategy is a big hit with the team's coaching staff. "It sounds a little unusual, I'll admit that," said Head Coach Lovie Smith, "But Jay is our guy, we're committed. If he thinks this will help the team win, then I'm all for it."

The quarterback debuted his new strategy on Sunday night football against division rival Green Bay. Cutler finished the game with four interceptions, a career high.

"I really executed my game plan tonight, but they really should have held on to a few more passes," Cutler said, "Four interceptions is good, but really I should have had six or seven. That's the difference between a good game and a great game."

Return specialist turned receiver Devin Hester thinks his quarterback's approach to the game is refreshing, "I like it, it means I can focus on the parts of my game that are very strong, like spin moves and running backwards," said Hester, "If you hit the right thumbstick at just the right time and pull it back a little, I can do the sweetest move you'll see."

While some opponents of the quarterback's new plan point to the fact that the Bears lost the game 21-15 and Cutler's interception with 1:11 left sealed the loss, Lovie Smith defended his star.

"Look, all we really want to do is beat the Packers, and we did that," said Smith. When informed that he had lost, Smith attempted to challenge the final score only to have replays award the Packers an extra touchdown. After a confused look, he threw a football at backup running back Garrett Wolfe and left the room.

After singling out all of his receivers and telling them how bad they were, Cutler proceeded to field level to make sure he told any remaining Bears fans to either "Fuck off" or "Eat shit and die." Reporters later caught up with Cutler in his Mazda Miata, where he had been crying and "Hugging it out" with fellow Vanderbilt star and Bears Wide Receiver Earl Bennett.

"Look, I'm a gunslinger," said Cutler, "My job is to go out there and sling those guns. I'm not out there to win games, it's to throw the ball to someone who can catch it. It's not my fault our wideouts suck so hard."

Bennett, who played with Cutler in college, was a big fan of the new offensive scheme. "He throws the ball to me like every time, it's great," said Bennett, "He even threw it to me on the sideline a couple of times. I'm not even good, I didn't even draft me on my fantasy team." The pair then turned on 'Dido' and drove off.

Game Notes: Bears All-Pro Linebacker Brian Urlacher missed time late in the game after sustaining a 'sandy vagina' in the third quarter. The team said "He should be fine for next week, but that kind of injury can linger"....... After the game Chicago Running Back Matt Forte was seen interrupting several interviews asking "Do you guys know who I am yet?"


Post a Comment