11.08.2010

Do you Fear Deer?

I'm not saying deer aren't vicious creatures that haunt me in my dreams, but I've compiled a list of 29 other things that I fear more:

Raptors - As far as fear goes, I am pretty certain I would straight shit myself if I ever came face to face with a Velociraptor. Sure, they're long extinct, but that doesn't mean they aren't to be feared.

Grizzlies - I think this is self explanatory. Have you ever seen these killing machines? The best you could hope for if you piss one off, is to have it kill you in one swift hit of its paw.

Timberwolves - We want to think they are every bit as nice as our pet chihuahuas, but we all know they aren't. Just one wolf could easily kill a human, but these guys can travel in packs, so, good luck with that backpack filled with jerky.

Hornets - Allergic or not, we all get that uneasy feeling whenever a hornet is flying nearby.

Bulls - Ask the guy in the picture what his thoughts are on Bulls.

Hawks - A bird of prey that at any moment could attack you from an aerial assault, that's scary shit.

Bobcats - They might look cute, but they are mean little kitties.

Heat - A lot of people die every year from heat exhaustion.

Suns - People die from heat exhaustion primarily due to the sun. It should be feared.

Lake(r)s - Lakes also claim many lives every year. Drowning has to be one of the worst ways to die.

Magic - Magic could do, well, about anything. Sure it could heal me, or help me fly, but it can also kill me, or turn me into a frog.

Wizards - Who do you think can create the aforementioned magic?

Mavericks - Here are just some Mavericks to think about: 1) a careless flyboy with a fighter jet. 2) A carefree poker player with a loaded gun at all times 3) A former vice presidential candidate who thinks humans lived with dinosaurs (I bet they were terrified of raptors). The first two are scary enough, but that 3rd Maverick scares the living hell out of me!

Rockets - Rockets can take people into space, but they can also have warheads attached to them. You can hide under your desk, but do you really think it'll help?

Thunder - With thunder comes lightning and often it'll come with damaging high winds. I'm just saying, when you see a deer, do you hide in your basement?

Celtics - When you see a drunk Irishman, you know there is a good chance a fight breaks out and your face could be the target of his drunken rage.

Cavaliers - I'm not sure what exactly this means, but it makes me think of a 1800's US Army Calvary coming for me.

Warriors - The people that would be most terrified of an 1800's US Army Calvary, but they didn't back down. That kind of bravery and honor deserves my respect and fear.

Pistons - OH GREAT! My Detroit manufactured car blew a piston and now I need to spend thousands of dollars, that I don't have, on a new one!

Kings - Off with my head if I don't obey.

76ers - There is nothing I respect more than an American Revolutionary Patriot. But, an army and a people, that were able to conquer the world's most powerful military, is fearsome indeed.

Clippers - I think we all can relate to having a bad haircut. One wrong move with a clippers, and it's buzz time on your large noggin.

Pacers - Why is that man pacing back and forth? What is on that man's mind? He seems rather unpredictable, and frankly, I don't like it.

Spurs - If I even hear the sound of spurs walking into a room, I'm imagining a showdown is about to take place and I'm dodging behind the bar as quickly as possible.

Knickerbockers - Oh god, are these pants too tight? I can't believe I'm out in public wearing these pants! Everyone is making fun of me for them, and what if I rip them? ... Can you imagine that scenario, it's a little scary isn't it?

Nets - How do you capture animals? With a net. So, by that logic, nets are more scary than deer.

Trail Blazers - These are people that march to the tune of their own drum. That sort of unpredictability can make me feel a little uneasy.

Nuggets - Sure, you might be happy to have struck gold, but you won't be happy when your trail blazing friend chucks a gold nugget at your head.

Jazz - Yes, the music sounds soothing, but when I think of Jazz, I think of New Orleans. I also think of voodoo when I think of New Orleans. Jazz = Voodoo = scary. It was such a scary thought, they had to move the New Orleans Jazz to Utah to make them seem more safe. (The same happened with the Lakers moving from Minnesota to Los Angeles, where there are no lakes, so the fans could safely attend games without being overly frightened).

Now that I've gone over all those terrifying things, I should point out that I'm not anti Bucks. I always cheer for them to win (though I care little about the NBA as a whole), but I am anti-"Fear the Deer" slogan. Something about it, really rubs me wrong.

Now go on, say it with me like a normal fan base would: "LET'S GO BUCKS"

On second thought, this video does seem extremely frightening, and I know this man would disagree that deer are not to be feared.




This is not the view of The Wisconsin Sports Tap staff as a whole, merely @diddy05's

1 comment:

  1. I want to see Bogut play a little more like the deer in that video.

    ReplyDelete