Soccer Snobbery and Other Soccer Rants

The World Cup is here, and America is tuned in, myself included. Now, I haven't had a chance to watch much more than 15 minutes or so, but that's due more to a busy life than disinterest. I like watching the World Cup, I always have, I remember watching the 1994 World Cup and enjoying Alexi Lalas' goatee and Cobi Jones' cool dreads. So, is it soccer that I like? No, it's the event I like and having national pride, just like the Olympics. I don't care about Gymnastics, but once every four years, there I am living and dying by every misstep. I think I'm like most Americans, we love big events, and we love America defeating other countries in sporting (or warring) events. When the US is eventually eliminated (or wins it all), the majority of Americans will once again lose interest in the sport. Well, the soccer snobs will live on, in an effort to annoy everyone else.

I hate the soccer snobs. Do you know one of these people, I'm sure you do. The people that call their jerseys, "kits", the fields "the pitch", and even need to refer to soccer as football....and they love to correct you on these terms the moment you say it wrong. Yes, these, are the soccer snobs. There are people who genuinely like soccer which is fine, in fact that's great, everyone should enjoy whatever sport they want. I'm not talking about those people.

So snobs. You like to go to your local soccer bar (soccer bars are such a hipster phenomenon and I hate hipsters) at noon to watch the Premier League, that's fine. Are you going to the pub, to have a pint and watch footy on the telly, occasionally using the loo while you eat some chips? No, I bet you're going to the bar, to drink some beer, watch the game on TV, occasionally using the bathroom and eating some fries. So, why do you insist on calling the soccer terms in their British form, we don't live in England, and we call things different. So, don't be a snob and tell people who want to say "nice jersey" that it's a kit. People hate you for that. I saw on Twitter someone say "this isn't hockey, it's not called an assist, it's called a cross" ...... Fuck you! Ronaldo had a hell of an assist as far as I'm concerned. I just wish the goalie (not the keeper) was in a better position on the field to stop that shot that the other dude hit with his head.

If we want soccer to take a hold in the US, we need to adapt it for our society. For instance look at the MLS teams. "Sporting Kansas City", "Dallas FC", "Real Salt Lake" etc... What the hell is that? We're mimicking the European leagues and it's stupid, especially those that put FC on their name, once again, we call it soccer here, don't be a snob MLS, people don't pay attention to snobs. Oh, and how about we change the US Men's National Team, or as it's so annoyingly tagged on Twitter #USMNT, to The US Soccer Team, or, #USSoccer, I like that better.

Oh, also a rule I hate. The offsides rule. If an offensive player gets behind the defense, sorry defense you didn't do your job. Imagine if in football the Wide Receiver got past the Safety, but that was considered "offsides", no way, stupid rule.

Also, the whole faking to be injured thing disturbs me. I know other sports have had that issue as well, but I hate it so much, and it turns me off to the game.

So, after this rant, I'll continue to watch the World Cup (only when the US plays), I'll continue to play FIFA video games (they're fun), and I'll continue to not care about actual soccer. Because, I'm American, and it's my duty.